Working from home Week #50

It’s been a full year since I was last at the office. I’m continuing to work from home and will continue for months to come. I hope my company considers this in the future. Working from home, for me, is great. I get to do my exercises and be with my little one at all hours of the day. I can run my errands during the week during my lunch hour. I can be comfortable in my safe space. It’s all gravy to me. It’s Monday and I get up nice and early and I am so hungry that my tummy is rumbling. I eat my morning toast and drink my coffee. Then, I get my workout clothes on, get on the treadmill and get on a nice sweat session. I do my stretches and get showered. I log on to work and then I hit a wall. All of a sudden, I am feeling like a piece of garbage. I’m having a hard time starting my work day. I receive emails, I read them and then I have to read them again because nothing retained into my brain. My anxiety is through the roof and I don’t know what to do with myself. So, I decide to lay down on the bed and let my head hang down letting the blood flow to my brain. I was like this for a little while and then simply laid down for another few minutes. I get back to my laptop and I’m still feeling like I hit a wall. It’s going to be a rough day today. During lunch, I get outside and get some fresh air and also run a couple of errands. This helps a little bit with my anxiety, but I was still irritated because I continued to not feel like myself. Back at work, I continue to be on the struggle bus. I work on a few things but they don’t turn out to well. I created a ticket for my developers and my boss sent a reply back with, well, basically asking what the hell is this?! My request was typed half a$$ed. She had no idea what I was asking for the team to do. I replied back that I would update the ticket but man oh man what a day. In the evening, my husband asked me if I could find him his hot sauce. I turned on the light and even got out the flashlight and couldn’t find what he needed. Later, my mother in law did the same and she found exactly what we were looking for. Well, I feel like a dummy. In the evening, I get to bed by eight. I am very tired and very disappointed with my day. It’s been a total disaster and I want the day to end. So I take a sleeping aid and I get to bed. It’s Tuesday and I wake up way before the roosters and I am a very thirsty girl. I always have water by my bedside table, but today, I did not have enough. So I get to the kitchen and everyone in the house is awake and with my husband. He is getting ready for work and all of us are helping him out. One hug at a time. After he leaves for work, I go back to bed but I can’t sleep. I log on to my social media but that doesn’t make me happy at all. I then start to think about how much work I have to do. So I just think, forget this and I get up and log on to work. I work for a few hours and then go make some breakfast. I’m hungry and irritated. There is so much work to do and I am only one person. I feel like I am doing the job of three people. This is why I’m getting up at the early morning hours and getting work done that I am certainly not getting paid for. Work hours were filled with meetings and more meetings. One of those meetings was supposed to be a quick one and it turned out to be over an hour long. Way past five. It’s now seven and I am still online. I have a ton of products launching next week and I have so much work to do and items to post. Wednesday is simply a terrible day. Started off ok. I did my running and other exercises. Took my nice shower, got dressed made the bed, had breakfast. Then got online and everything was fine. Until it wasn’t. I became very irritated. Not sure what made me so damn freaked out but my feelings were all over the place and I was having a hard time being myself. This feeling continued throughout the day and I just could not shake it off. Then some emails that were going back and forth with people from work were not pleasant and my irritation grew even larger. To the point where I had to log off for a little while. Got to the point where I was going to call the boss to and advise I’d be taking the rest of the day off. The entire day goes like that and I need to take in deep breaths every few minutes so I don’t loose my sh*t and loose my job. I’ve even contacted my mentor to ask how he would handle things such as condescending emails. We will talk about that next week during our mentoring session. Wish he would have some sort of advise for me now, but I’ll have to wait. Meanwhile, I channeled my mother’s constant advise of ‘patience’ and so I did. I didn’t reply back to emails right away, I waited until my system calmed the hell down. I responded to most of the condescending emails in the evening after I was calm. This was way after five and after we’ve had our dinner. Meanwhile, I was listening to ocean waves all day long. Today, I downloaded the ‘Calm’ app. It has sounds of rain on leaves, ocean waves, water running down a creek. It’s a really nice app. Ocean waves all day long for me today. At first it didn’t do much as it was only white noise, but after a while, the sounds of the ocean did calm my nerves. In the evening, at around eight, I replied to those emails that put me over the edege earlier in the day. My reply wasn’t as peppy as I usually respond. My emails always start with a ‘Hi persons name’ and then I go on to the message, always ending with a thank you or best regards. These emails didn’t have a hi or any greeting at all. Just the basic facts and information needed and no send off. Hopefully they will get the hint. It’s Thursday and I wake up really early, it’s two in the morning and I am not able to sleep any longer. I keep thinking about work and how I’m no longer enjoying what I’m doing and what I’m going to be doing about it. Those rude emails have really and my moodiness have really taken me in for a loop. I get out of bed and grab myself a few pieces of chocolate. I’m hoping the chocolate will make me feel better and have me forget about my ruminating misery. It’s helping as I’m chewing the chocolate and the nuts that are mixed in the piece of candy. After I indulge, I get back to bed and try to sleep. It’s not working, so I log into my social media sites and scroll aimlessly. After about an hour or so, my brain eventually gets tired of racing and I finally fall asleep. Today, I am feeling better as I am not so irritated but the nastygrams keep on coming. Don’t know if everyone is stressed out or what the hell is going on. But good Lord, leave me be. I’ve mentioned to the boss that the internet company is working on the wires outside and I am having intermittent internet issues. Laying low until the tide goes out. During lunch I am listening to a webinar about graduate programs. Thinking about getting my masters in marketing. I have a BA in Communications and would like to get my masters. The college that was presenting has very flexible hours and better yet, virtual courses. Seems like something good for me. I will however need to figure out my budget as I will need to shell out the funds first before my company helps with tuition. Plus there is my issue with my memory. It is getting better, but I’m always stepping back because of this issue that I have. What if I take all of these courses and then get a bad grade due to my memory issues. Anyways, it’s something to think about. It’s Friday and I get up at six in the morning. I usually get on the treadmill on Fridays but today I get online as I have a ton of work to do. I’m sending and answering emails at that time and getting some work done. By eight, my alarm goes off and I take a break and have myself a nice warm shower. I have my breakfast and then log back on at nine to get my day officially started. I had to basically drop all of the work that I was doing for marketing and get to my business analyst work. Had a conversation with the boss and she tells me that the company will start to look at my job as a BA and no longer marketing. Which really sucks because I am doing very well on my marketing job. As for the BA job, not so much. Unfortunately, my boss assumes I know how to do this job. I mentioned for her to assume, I know nothing about processes, as there are many. She said I can ask as many questions as I need. So, I said that I would be asking many, many stupid questions. She said that it would be ok to ask many questions. So questions I will be asking. In the evening, I take a break and we have dinner together as a family. I then take care of the dishes and back to work I go. As mentioned, I’ve gotten a lot of work that needs to be taken care of and not enough time during the workday. I was online posting content until midnight. Glad my mother in law takes care of my little one during these times. If it wasn’t for her, I’d have to quit my job. While working I’m listening to John Oliver’s Last Week Tonight shows that are posted on youtube. I’m also on facebook and talking to friends and family members. It’s nice to connect. I’m loving that everyone is comfortable to connect online nowadays.