It’s the weekend of my fiftieth-something week of working from home. I’ve basically been working from home for an entire year. My hair has grown a few inches and I am ready to cut it and donate it. My husband is not too comfortable for me to get out to the hairdresser. And to think of it, I’m not sure if I’m ready for it either. I am ready to let the hair go to a good charity, but not so much on the going to get it cut ordeal. Maybe I’ll do it home. How hard can it be?
As for being at home I have been very bored. The family has been playing pokemonGo and I just can’t do it anymore, I am basically bored with everything.
Yesterday, we took my old car out to the mechanic as the car needs a lot of work done. A new muffler, oil change, inspection, light replacement and so many other things. Hopefully the car will be done next week. I would really need the car today as today would have been a great day for me to go out to the beach and listen to the ocean waves. The waves give me peace. I get to go out to the beach and leave my bad thoughts out there. As I have many bad thoughts in my head. I’ve had lots of trauma as a young child as well as when I was in a coma in my 30’s. It hasn’t been the easiest of lives. I have a lot of issues and I work really hard on them on a daily basis. I work so damn hard on them daily that by the end of the day I don’t have any more energy left. I feel terrible, because at the end of the day is when I have time to be with my little one. I have to push from the depths of my being in order to be able to focus on being a good mom. I luckily have people around me that accomplish all of the house work that is shared. I get to take care of a few things but the rest is taken care of.
As I am working from home, I am looking for a side gig so that I may be able to make a few extra bucks. I used to have a job where I’d do merchandising for a few companies but during covid season, I am not willing to go to any of the stores to do the merchandising. A side hustle would be something that would keep my mind out of my own mind. My current issue is that I keep on ruminating all of the shit that I just can’t get out of my head. At times I feel like I have a few people in head one of them telling me to do good the other to just say fuck this and move on. Like the old cartoons where the angel and the devil would be on the cartoon’s shoulder and they would tell the cartoon what to do. Today the devil character is winning. My other personality is telling it to shut the fuck up. But the devil is winning. This is why the family has gone out for a drive and I have styed home.
I am listening to the book Unf#ck your Intimacy. Using science for better relationships. I’ve already fell asleep listening to it. There are a couple of things that make sense to me like trauma and how it’s continuously in your head. It’s a hour hour book and I am listening to it as I make my bed and clean the bedroom as well as take a nap. I’ve not listed to it for a little while as I took my nap.
While working from home I am feeling like I don’t know what I am doing at work. If I was actually at the office I would probably be a bit better off as I would have a better relationship with the boss as well as my coworkers or would I? Being online is a nice way to also be with people but we don’t get to see each other as we don’t turn on our cameras. And that is ok. Some days I am not camera ready. But I’m sure neither are they. I remember the people in the IT department. No one would doll themselves up. Actually some people would be at their desks with sneakers on even though my company has a dress code of business casual, so no sneakers and no capris.
I do however, miss going over to people’s desks a saying hello. If I don’t see them online or on facebook or something like that, I completely forget to get in touch with them. Not because I don’t want to, but I am so busy during the day, I even forget to have lunch. In the future, I hope my company will give employees times off to work from home. They can save a lot of electricity and us workers can save a lot of time on our commute. Speaking of which, instead of being in a car on my way to work, I am online getting work done. Hopefully this will turn into a positive for the employees.
This week I was reading my performance documents and it sound like my boss is thinking of grooming me to be a leader. I am looking forward to this. I haven’t had a team report to me in a very long time, but I am sure I can handle it. Otherwise I have a mentor who can give me a hand on how to be a good leader.
Isabel's world 