It’s Monday and today I am going back to the office. Today, feels like the first day of school. Figuring out what to wear, what time to leave the house and what to take for lunch. This morning I couldn’t sleep since I was too excited and my anxiety was acting up for going back to the grind. I woke up at midnight and then again at two in the morning. After two, I tossed and turned and couldn’t get back to sleep. I eventually get out of bed at four in the morning and and feel so much anxiety that I put on my workout clothes and get to the treadmill. I walked and walked for a long time while watching the show Empire. I must have watched two episodes, I walked so much. I then take my shower and get ready for my first day back. I have my clothes all picked out and then I get to the kitchen and get my breakfast and make my lunch. I made myself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I’m not sure if the fridges at work are working to take cold food plus, I’m not sure I want to place my food next to someone else’s; Covid and all. I’ll probably be having sandwiches for the rest of the days that I’m in the office. I get out of the house by seven and give myself a two hour window to get to work. I don’t know how the traffic is, so I am giving myself plenty of time to get myself situated. As for traffic, it wasn’t too bad and it only took me an hour to get to work. I go to my old desk to see if I have boxes to move my things. I will need to move my things from one floor to another where my new desk resides. I eventually get some boxes and am putting my things in them and tossing a bunch of things in the garbage. As I am doing this, I get my new skirt all dirty.
Of course, the day that I wear something new and nice, I get myself sweaty and dirty and now I’ll have to bring my clothes to the cleaners. Or maybe I’ll simply hand wash them. Actually, I will need to see the cleaning instructions before I do anything. That is probably best. For lunch all of the girls go out to the courtyard, it is a nice day out but after a while I start sweating out there as it is the afternoon sun in the summer. While having our lunch a bird flew into the widows in the courtyard and it hit it so hard that it fell to the floor and it died. What a terrible lunch omen. We are to have an hour for lunch, but after that incident, we decided to call it the end of the break and we went back inside. Today I didn’t learn much about my new role. I simply watched more videos about the products. And was also watching a virtual event that one of the stores is having today. We then went into the print factory where there are a lot of print materials that we use to send out to our dealers. It was cool to see the large printers at work. One of them was being worked on so there were parts all over the place. It felt like my father’s garage. Different types of parts all over the room. The day passed fast and shortly it was five in the afternoon. I thought that everyone would be grabbing their belongings and heading out the door at five, but I was very wrong. The team stayed until about five thirty. I didn’t want to leave before my coworkers since it’s as if its my first day at my new job, it feels like the first day of school after all. In my old position, practically the entire team would jet out of the office at five on the dot. Especially my boss. She would start getting ready at four thirty to get out of the office at five on the dot. She would start taking out all of her belongings to her car at that earlier in the day and then by five all she had to do was log off and take her laptop and bag with her to her car and get outta there. As for this team, not so much. They are a bit slower on the trigger for leaving. They live a bit closer to the office and that may be why they don’t really care for leaving later. But I live far and it takes forever to get home. I was starting to shake my foot in frustration when the boss came by saw that all her entire team was still there, she told us all to go home. I slowly but surely started to pack look like I was packing up, even though I had already done so. She then stalled and talked about a meeting for tomorrow which that I am not invited to. Either is the entire team. She will ensure for us to be part of this particular meeting if not tomorrow than next week. She said that since we are all so new to our positions that it would be a good idea to be invited to this particular meeting. It took over ten minutes to go over if we are going to the meeting or not going to the meeting. Meanwhile, I’m thinking about leaving and all of the traffic I’ll be stuck in. Finally, we’re satisfied with what we’re meeting about tomorrow and I can finally leave. It’s a quarter to six and I decided that I would be stuck in so much traffic, so I took a right instead of a left and went over to tj maxx. At the store, I shopped for a few pieces of clothes and saw some jewelry that I really like. They have a really nice gold necklace. But then I thought, I already have a couple of gold necklaces. This would just be another one that I would place in my jewelry box. Well, I thought and thought, then decided against it. I kept on moving through jewelry and as I saw a few other pieces I liked but were a bit above the price range that I am willing to pay, so I passed on those too. I then get to the clothes racks. I am looking for a raincoat, but they don’t have anything like that at the store. Then I am on the hunt for more skirts and maybe even a dress so I can be nice and cool this summer. Now that we can show our arms at work, I have more options of what kind of dresses I can wear to work. The office decided that they now allow more of a dress down type of wear. We used to be very conservative. We couldn’t wear open toed shoes or show upper arm. Now we can wear jeans and sneakers and show some arm. ]Of course, they need to be without rips and the shoes need to be presentable and not dirty. Anyway, I pick out a few pieces and try them on. A few of the pieces were so adorable but look terrible on my body. I have an apple shaped body. I have skinny legs but a big belly. As many sit-ups and running that I do, my belly keeps on being bigger and flappier than I’d like. I have to wear a large size on top in order to cover my belly. I like a few of the pieces and then get a couple of belts as I need something a little bit more stylish, belt wise than what I currently have at home. I then head over to the beauty section and pick out a shampoo for volume and thickening of the hair. My hair is getting so thin and limp and keeps on breaking that I need to find a shampoo that will give it life. I will try the one that I picked out and see how it works out. I’m then looking at skin lotions and potions and find a ton of items that I like. But then think better. I already have a bunch at home that I haven’t even opened up yet. No need to be a packrat this time around with these types of items. So I keep on moving. I then head over to the men’s department to see if they have rain jackets. You never know, sometimes they have something that may work for me. But no. They only have summer clothes available. Ok, so I’ve got enough items in my cart. I head over to the checkout and spend another pretty penny on myself. Yesterday, I did the same thing, but at marshalls. Spent a bunch of money on new clothes for work. I’ve lost some weight and a bunch of the pants that I have are a bit large and don’t look so great any longer. I need some new bottoms for my wardrobe. And some cool items since it’s hot and my car doesn’t have ac. It’s been fixed a bunch of times already and it keeps on breaking. So, I said, forget it, and am driving around without cool air. This is why I leave the house very early and don’t mind leaving work a little later as it is cooler then. Except for today. Today was very humid and then it started to sprinkle in the afternoon so it’s not only hot and my hair is frizzing up but it’s also humid. I need to keep my windows open as I drive home. I get home and have dinner by myself as the family has gone out to do some shopping. Dinner is basically a sloppy joe with spaghetti. Tonight I go to bed much later than usual. I am not sleepy and hang out with the family for a little while than I usually do. At this late time in the evening, my daughter is putting on a show for us singing and dancing and the dog is dancing all around with her. It is late and shortly after we all go to our rooms but am still having trouble sleeping. I look through my phone until I am able to close my eyes and finally sleep.
It’s Tuesday and today I am working from home. Tomorrow I’ll be going in to the office again and then that will be it for going into the office this week. I will be working from home for the rest of the week. This morning I woke up at the usual hour of two in the morning. I am very thirsty so I take a few sips of water and try to get back to sleep. I toss and turn and nothing. By four I get up again and fill up my water bottle so I’ll have enough to drink bedside. At that time, I wake up my husband as it is time for him to get up for work and then I get back into bed. I eventually am able to fall back asleep so I can rest my eyes, my body and my soul. Thankfully I didn’t have any funny dreams this morning like I usually do after I fall back asleep from waking up at two in the morning. Just blissful dreamless sleep. I wake up on my own at seven thirty without any alarms and get ready for work. I put on a top that I haven’t worn in a long time. It was a bit tight before covid, but I’ve lost some weight as I’ve been walking a lot. So I try on the shirt and look at that, it fits. It’s a three quarter sleeve type of shirt and it’s a very light fabric, perfect for today. Not sure if I’ll be wearing this one to the office any time soon. I’ve have it for a long time and it looks a tiny bit worn and not the best of materials. So this one may be another shirt that I only wear when I’m working from home or on the weekends went I’m hanging out at home. Or going to the store or whatever I do now during covid season.
This morning I took care of some clothes in the closet. I divided some clothes that I will skip wearing to the office. These clothes can be work from home or weekend wear when I’m not doing anything. I then decided to take my suits out of the closet as I don’t utilize them much. I take them to the basement and bring up dresses that I’ve had hidden away for a while. These dresses haven’t been worn in a while, well because, I’ve forgotten that I even have them. Now they are up close and personal so I may wear them out to work or whatever I may need them for. By lunch I hit a wall and start to feel my depression kicking in. I take my medicine and gave it time to do its magic but today I keep on feeling a bit down. I work on keeping myself occupied as that tends to be the best way for me to not ruminate on sad things. I try to bury myself into work but there isn’t all that much to do with the exception of looking through more powerpoint presentations and other very boring documentations. I’m having a hard time concentrating and am feeling a little bit of anxiety because I haven’t started on any projects yet at work. Things are developing nice and slowly and that scares me. If I’m not doing much, then am I really needed at this position? The team has been told that we’d be receiving more information about our positions soon. Probably tomorrow when we are in the office and can have a face to face type of meeting with the boss. I really hope I have a better mental health day tomorrow. I have a plateful of meetings tomorrow and am looking forward to being busy working. It’s odd, when I have downtime I feel out of place, like, I should be doing something with myself at all times. This may be why I haven’t been able to sleep. Too much time not doing anything strenuous either physically nor mentally. Although I have been on the treadmill, but it feels like it’s not enough. I need something more. Something with bit more passion. It feels like I’m just cruising through life and not enjoying the moments. Looks like I’m in the need of a hobby or something along those lines. Don’t get me wrong, I have plenty to do but I want something new to take care of. Something that I can pick up and just be good at it so I won’t have to go through so much of a learning curve. I don’t know, the depression is really kicking in. I’ll take some more medicine and hopefully this feeling will go away and I’ll feel better.
It’s Wednesday and I wake up with the alarm. I was able to sleep all through the night and had a really nice dream that I was in a French street, probably in NYC and there was a café with croissants and chocolate croissants. I met up with friends and tasted those delicious treats. And then my alarm went off. Too bad, I wanted some more of those treats. I roll out of bed and get myself ready for another day at the office. I put on nice smelling lotion along with face cream and deodorant to my feet. No sox today, so my feet must be fresh all day long. It’s a little trick I learned throughout my years of living. Probably read it in a magazine somewhere. I get to the office with an hour to spare and put on some makeup in the car. I then go on in and log on. I still don’t have much to do this morning but I take a look at my calendar and see that I have a lot of meetings today. Turns out, today is one long meeting. Meetings back to back all day long. First with my team and then with an internal team then an external than internal. You get it, all sorts of teams. We even got a one of the teams to provide us with a sales pitch at the end of the day. It was a bit annoying as it’s now almost quitting time and this guy is talking about his business and how they can do more for us. It’s nice to know, but not at that hour. At fifteen after the hour, we are finally done with meetings. But my day isn’t done yet, I have unpacking to do. I take out the boxes and shove everything in the drawers. I apparently have a lot of stuff that I really could live without. I have a couple of shirts and bags, hot chocolate, tea, lots of notebooks and folders. A bunch of photo paper and so much other stuff. I will need to clean up and clean out. My coworker and I then head over to the shipping area and return the moving cart that I’ve used for my boxes. My coworker stays and finishes up her job and I head on to the parking lot to get to my car. I then drive over to tj maxx to return a couple of items. I am shopping anyway, just a little bit. I see a beautiful shirt that is in green and I place it in the cart and then I see a black shirt that I really like too and that goes in the cart as well. I go into the beauty area and am looking for a volumizing conditioner for my hair and what do you know, they have one so I add that to the cart. Oh boy, I can’t keep going to this store. Every time I go, I always spend a bunch. I went there for one thing, to return belts and to purchase jam for my pb&j sandwiches. I leave with other types of belts and shirts, conditioner, belts, skirt and then I found the cutest mug. It says “dog dad” on it and I had to purchase it for my husband.
He loves his pup and is so good with him that I had to get the mugs for him. Now that I’ve spent a whole bunch of money, I head on home. I take the highway and there is a bit of traffic. There was even a driver that raised his eyebrows at me and I just shook my head and kept on going. I finally get home and the family is out again. I keep on missing them after work. I get in and clean all of my belongings with disinfecting wipes and then go ahead and take a shower to get all of the day’s gunk off of me. I use my new conditioner in the shower. I also bought a new shampoo on Monday and used the combination of products and the result is pretty good. My hair turned out a bit frizzy due to it being so humid, but the items did give me volume. My hair is thinning out so I need something to make it look like I’m still youthful. Good luck with that, I’m thinking! I’m trying my hardest to keep me youthful. With staying healthy and using better beauty products. I have to start to spend a bit more money on these but that’s ok. I’m making a bit more and I think I can afford to splurge on myself a bit. Shortly after, the family comes home and I give my husband his gift. He likes it! I am glad he does. He then asks me if I can massage his leg as his sciatica is acting up on him. I get a pair of gloves on and rub icy hot on both his quads. It smells just awful, but it’s gotta be done. He has to go to work tomorrow and needs to be able to walk. We then put on the stint machine on the worst leg and he put the shocks on really high. When we turned the machine on, we could see his muscles shaking. It was a scary sight to see. I asked him if he was ok and he said that it was actually making the muscle feel better. Meanwhile, I am exhausted and falling asleep on the couch. But I need to stay up and see if he needs me to rub some more of that nasty stuff on the legs. He falls asleep as well as the stint machine is working on him. I woke him up and asked if he wanted me to do anything else and he said no and that he was going to bed as well. So I removed the pads from the stint machine from his leg and put away the machine to it’s rightful place, so we can find it next time. I then head to bed.
It’s Thursday morning and I wake up with a terrible headache. It’s three in the morning and I have to get to my stash and take out a tylenol for my head. I then notice that I never changed out of my dress into pj’s last night. I just jumped into bed with my regular clothes on, what a mess. I must have been so tired last night that I forgot I wasn’t wearing my pjs. I was so comfortable in my dress with a long sleeve t-shirt over it. I must have been that comfy that I simply did not remember that I needed to change out of that into sleep wear. That’s how tired I must have been. I sleep a bit more and at seven I wake up again with the same headache. I roll out of bed and take some more tylenol for my head. This point I make my breakfast and coffee. I have my waffles and iced coffee this morning. My head is starting to feel better and I log on to work at eight in the morning. I don’t have much to do as of yet, but it’s coming. I have meetings already set up for the morning hours and another for the afternoon. I really hope this headache doesn’t come back today. It’s really bad, it’s affecting my neck and it hurts if I cough. A couple of hours go by and my headache comes back. I need to take more medicine, ugg. Now it’s the headache is hurting my neck and my right eyeball. While my head is pounding I’m also waiting on my coworker to get back to me so we can go over some items and she is taking her time. Guessing she is busy this morning and can’t get to me as of yet. So I am reading up on non disclosure items and trying to look through all of the lawyer speak. It looks like a simple one page form but it’s not that simple. For lunch I head over to the pharmacy to get prescriptions for us. The cashier tells me that one of the scripts is about three hundred dollars. It’s way to expensive and I refused it. Once I got home I called the doctors office and asked if they could change the script for a different type of medication and they told me to try a thirty day supply instead of the ninety day and that would be a better price for us. This took a whole hour to get information from the pharmacy to the doctor and back and forth. Eventually, we get to an agreement that it would be a thirty day supply for forty bucks. Expensive stuff!! Health care is crazy over in the states. Just imagine if we didn’t have insurance? We wouldn’t be able to afford medication. Crazy! With that, I will need to get back to the pharmacy later on tonight so I can pick up the medication as they need time to put it together. In the afternoon my mother in law goes out with my little one and I am at home working and and hanging out with the dog. He is howling at the door as his people have left the building and don’t think he notices that I’m still home. I go over to him and pet him and sing to him “just the two of us” he calms himself and quits howling. Then he heads over to my bedroom/office and goes under the bed and starts to take out clothes and shoes I have under there. I have open bins and he likes to sneak away with my stuff. I have to take all of the items away from him and then take the bins and place them on the bed where he can’t reach. Now I have loose items and bins on the bed that I have to refold and return to where they belong. In the evening I head out to the pharmacy again to pick up medicine that we need. This time it’s priced correctly. I race home and we have dinner. Then the family goes out to home depot. That store is not a place that I like to go so I opt to stay home instead. As I am home I take out the garbage and do some clean up around the house. I then look through some of the clothes I have for work and decide that some are no longer needed in the closet. I take all of the beach wear and put it in a bin in the basement. I also take larger clothes that now look a little baggy on me and also place them in that same bin. Now I’m not sure what to do with myself now that I am home alone. Should I get on the treadmill for a little while or should I watch a show. Or should I do something else. What to do, what to do. I wind up not doing anything at all. Put on the elvis duran morning show and listened as I scrolled through social media. I got tired and don’t feel like doing anything, I’m not even up for watching a show. Think I’m going to put on my pjs early and lay down in bed earlier tonight and try to get some sleep.
It’s Friday and I wake up at four in the morning this morning. I was going to get on the treadmill, but I got lazy and rolled back to my comfy spot instead. I then had a wild dream of people being possessed by demons and then the demon passing from one person to another. At one point one person was bleeding from their nose as they were realizing what was happening to them. For some wild reason, I was trying to reason with possessed. Who can reason with the possessed? I had some more vivid dreams but I can’t recall them right now. They have been erased from my brain. I then get up and have breakfast. Today I am having a Portuguese roll with butter and hot coffee. I then get ready for work. I have a meeting at ten this morning and I may need to be on camera so I will need to get myself ready and look decent. At least my hair should look like I at least brushed it this morning. I will eventually change clothes as I am wearing a long sleeve t-shirt and it’s getting too hot to wear this frock. I usually wear long sleeves to sleep since I get cold when I’m laying still. But when I’m up and walking about I get too hot to be wearing such things. This afternoon I am planning on going to the big box store and am putting a list of items together for me to purchase. I’ve been looking through the fridge and pantry and writing down what we are lacking. I’ve also gone to the store online and clipped all of the coupons available and also put those on the list. During the day there are emails that are going back and forth that I will eventually be responsible for. As I’m reading them I understand each word jut not each work put together lol. Not truly understanding what is being requested and what is needed here. I’m sure I’ll get it but today, I’m just jumping onto the back seat and letting my co-worker drive for as long as possible. For my lunch hour I head over to my parents house as I left a cooler there from the other day that my husband now needs. He didn’t need that cooler for a few months and I left it at my parent’s house for a bit too long. Now he needs it for work and he is very angry with me that I left it there. Oops, my bad. As I head to my parent’s house I notice that today is so hot and humid outside that my hair gets all over the place. For those who have natural curls we are not ok. It’s funny but my hair is a bit straight and a bit curly. When it’s humid it acts as if I have curls. When it’s not humid it’s straight. My hair is very odd. Even though I put in product and a whole lot of hair spray, it’s still all the way up in the air lol. Check out my mop.
After my lunch hour it’s back to the grind. I have a ton of meetings and a ton of learning to do. The teams keep on asking if I have questions and I am as quiet as a mouse, taking it all in. No questions as of now. I’m sure I’ll have some once I’m more into the work, but for now, I’m taking notes and a lot of them. I will probably need to study them over the weekend so I am prepared for next week. In the evening I head out to the big box store and make a bunch of purchases for the house. Heavy stuff like water and a couple of boxes of seltzer. Then I headed to the farm and buy a couple of pies. One apple for all in the house and one strawberry rhubarb as a gift for me. I know my husband likes it too. But not sure if my mother in law or daughter will like it. I was thinking of having a slice a la mode tonight. That is why I got the strawberry one, strawberry a la mode! After the farm, I get home and clean all of the items with disinfecting wipes and put them away. That is the part that I dislike the most about grocery shopping, the putting everything away part. There’s never enough room in the fridge so I have to play fridge Tetris. It’s a pain in the behind. Today I had to finish off the orange juice as there was just a little bit left on the bottom of the cartonb. I don’t want to throw it out but there’s not enough room in there. So I get myself a cup and pour the juice. I am thirsty anyway so that’s ok. I just don’t want to have my belly ache due to the amount of acidity. At the farm I also got a little bundle of cherries. After I put everything away I have some of the cherries and then I wind up having all of them. They are so good and they hit the spot so well. I kind of felt bad afterwards but oh well, it’s already done and they have all gotten into my belly. I should have put on my slice of pie that I will be having later. But then again. They were hitting the spot and I just simply couldn’t help myself. Fruit makes me happy. I just love it. There aren’t many fruits that I don’t like. I will eat fruit over any meal. When we went on our honeymoon to Antigua, I had a whole bowl of fruit every time we were at the buffet. My husband would take the fish or meat and I would go for the fruit. They had passion fruit and starfruit that I absolutely just loved. Tropical fruit is my absolute favorite.
It’s Saturday and it’s four o’clock in the morning. I wake up and very thirsty. I drink some water that is on my bedside table and then I’m hunkering for some peanut butter m&m’s. I go to the kitchen and have a few of them, yum. I then go back to bed and am trying to get back to sleep, but it’s of no use. I toss and turn for about an hour and nothing. Think I’ll be starting my day shortly by heading over to the treadmill. I’ve gained a couple of pounds since starting work and need to go ahead and run them off. What I really need to do is upper body training, actually. My arms are flabby as is my belly. I keep on loosing inches on my behind but nothing on the upper body portion. I am what they call an apple shape. Larger upper and smaller lower half. As for today, I am planning on not doing much. The weather outside is going to be a hot one and I’m not interested in going out there in the heat. I’ve done enough for in the last few weekends. Think it’s a good day to rest today. I may even do some work for the man today. I have a bunch of things that I didn’t get to finish yesterday and I want to make sure I am ahead of what I am doing as opposed to being all startled on Monday morning. Checking my calendar, I don’t have much going on for Monday. Only a few meetings at the end of the day. I may actually have time on Monday to do whatever it is I need to do. We will see how today goes. A for this morning, I was on the treadmill for 100 minutes. At that marc the treadmill just stopped running. If I would have been going fast, I would have killed myself. Note to self no more than 100 minutes on the treadmill. After the treadmill, I take a nice long shower. Only my husband is up with the dog and I am free to take my time. I wash and scrub and scrub and wash. I left my conditioner on for a while. It’s a tee tree oil type of conditioner and it was starting to really feel minty on my scalp. I then removed it with water and it still felt minty. After my shower I lather up my skin in all sorts of lotions and potions, except for the bottoms of my feet. Don’t want to slip and slide today and break my nose. For breakfast I have a few waffles with butter and syrup and of course coffee. Delicious!
After breakfast I change the sheets from the bed and clean up the bedroom a bit. I then take a short nap. On my freshly made bed. I then get cold as I always get chilly when I’m resting and get a blanket from the closet. I cover myself then get back to my nap. After about an hour or so, I wake back up and the family is already up and playing pokemonGo. At this point I get hungry and eat a slice of that pie I bought yesterday. There goes all of my calories I worked out this morning. In the afternoon we get in the car and drive far far away so we may be able to pick up my daughters uniform for next years school as she will be going to catholic school. We get there and I also wanted to go inside and see the outfits and what the store looks like. But we took the dog and my mother in law wants to pay for the uniforms. So daddy, daughter and mother in law went in the store and I stayed in the car with the dog. The dog and I had a grand old time. He was chewing on candies and other things that he wasn’t supposed to be doing. I had to yell at him for a second or two and remove the items from his mouth. When I noticed everything was clear in the back seat I eventually close my eyes and nap for a bit.
Don’t know why, but I am very tired today. It’s my second nap of the day. Inside the car was so hot as the sun was hitting me right on the legs, that it was a really good time for a nap. We purchased a few outfits and shirts for everyday wear as well as accessories. We then head home and pass by All American Burger a burger joint that makes some of the best hamburgers on Long Island. They are truly delicious. They also have knishes and tuna salad burgers. I had a bite of each and they are both good. I prefer the hamburgers better. We then fly home as the lady who grooms the dog is supposed to come by the house by five in the afternoon. We get home and get the dog to do his business before his haircut but he doesn’t budge. He may be too exited to pee or poop. He may just do his business in the poor lady’s van as she is bathing him. It’s not the first time he does that. Crazy dog. Just checked the weather for tomorrow and it’s due to rain. I have a bunch of things I need to do outside and may not be able to get to them due to the rain fall. So tonight right before sunset I head outside and clean out one of the coolers and clean my daughters outside toys. She has a kitchen, bbq and a house which are all dirty and green from not being clean for such a long time. I took the sponge and cleaned them all up. I also cleaned the table and chairs we have out there. At times I want to go outside and do some work there but cannot as that table is disgusting. It is all black and dirty. I sprayed down with bleach and cleaned it out with a sponge. I did the same for the chairs as they too are all dirty. We don’t really use the outdoor world and that is why it has been neglected for so long. Hopefully next week I’ll be able to get out there and have my morning coffee, if it’s not too hot. Usually by seven in the morning it’s already hot and very humid. Taking my hot coffee outside is just a waste of time because I will then need to take a shower afterwards as I will be sweating my butt off. After I clean up the outside I head on in and have a knish that was leftover from All American Burger. Even a bit cold, the knish is delicious. I pair it with some mango juice mixed with seltzer water. I am having a fantastic evening snack. Shortly after I get to bed. Good night all.
It’s Sunday and it’s raining out there. My husband gets up early and is walking around the house. For some reason I wake up as he is getting dressed. We talk for a little while and then he goes and takes the dog outside with his little rain coat. It’s so cute and yellow. It looks go cute on him. I took about a dozen photos of him and he wouldn’t sit still for a photo op. This was the best one I could get.
After he came back in of course, it stopped raining. I am sitting on the bench looking through netflix to see what the next show will be for me to watch. The the dog is barking at the balloon we have in the house. Usually that is a sign that he needs to go outside and poop. I take him out and we walk and walk and nothing. I took some more photos outside and these came out a little better as there is more lighting.
Then he wants to go inside and tugs at me. He wants to see his daddy and wants nothing to do with me. Then he sees that daddy is going out with his work truck. After that he calms down a bit and we are able to walk around a bit more. He didn’t poop, however he just wants to go inside the house and is tugging at me to do so. Thankfully he is a relatively small dog otherwise when he would be tugging, I’d probably be on the floor and the dog dragging me. Once we get inside the house he goes straight to grandmas room and is scratching at the door. I gave him treats and pet him and sat on the couch with him a bit. But, he wants nothing to do with me and would rather be with grandma. Oh well. I now I have time to get to the treadmill and walk a few miles. I get to the treadmill and walk for about forty five minutes and then I went into the living room and did as many situps and push ups as I could possibly do. I need to strengthen and tighten up my upper body as it is getting very flabby. After my workout I put on my jeans and an older t-shirt and am ready to head outside and do yard work. I take out the weed wacker and head to the backyard to take care of all of the growing weeds back there. As I am working my husband decided that he and the family would like to go out and play pokemonGo. I opted to go with them this time but I had to put everything away from my yard work and take a quick shower since I was all sweaty and smelled terrible from sweat. My shirt was all well due to this. As I am putting all of my tools away, my husband comes outside and tells me that they are no longer going. There is a bit of drama that my daughter want to take a bunch of toys and then with the dog my mother in law feels tight in the backseat. So I just simply said that I would skip it then if there is discomfort. I really don’t mind. I do have other things that I need to do. I’d like to get my car washed and return some things to tj maxx. And then my husband asked if I could also go to the grocery store and pick up soups for him for the week. I don’t mind doing all of this so I’m ok with not going with them. They left and I washed my car with some hot soapy water, it is really dirty and the gunk will only come out with hot water and a lot of scrubbing. I did so much scrubbing that I thing I broke the scrubber. After washing the car, I didn’t even bother to shower or change clothes, it’s so hot out that I would be sweating anyway and would need to take another shower after coming back from my excursion. So I head out to tj maxx first as it is the furthest away. I had to return the ‘dog dad’ mug that I had gotten my husband earlier that week. He doesn’t like that it’s not a perfect round cup. He’s a bit ocd you see and that kind of imperfection bothers him. So I told him that it wasn’t a problem and that I would return it. I get into the store and shop the clothing racks first and find a couple of shirts that I really like. I really don’t need these as I already have plenty, but I get them anyway because I like them so much. One of them is beige with a lot of gold on it and the other one is blue and it’s nice and short and it will fit me just right. I then head over to the jewelry section and find my perfect earing. They are pineapple studs and I am in love with them. They are sterling silver with a gold overlay and I absolutely love them. I’ve been looking for something like this for a long time and I finally find ones that are just so pretty. I automatically add them to my cart. I also see a necklace that is on sale and it has the same treatment, sterling silver with a gold overlay. You see I am allergic to costume jewelry. If it’s made out of Zink or any other materials I get a rash on my skin. These pieces being sterling silver will do just fine. I continue to walk around the store and go to the toy isle and shoe isle as well as the beauty and haircare isle. At the haircare isle, I am looking through some of the products and I tumble a bunch of them on the floor. Good thing the ones that fell on the floor were all in plastic bottles. There were a few in glass, if I would have dropped those I would have made a mess. After I put everything back on the shelf, I find a haircare product that is for helping with hair growth and split ends. It’s a product with an Egyptian formula and I add it to my cart. It’s a bit more that what I really wanted to spend in such a small bottle but I get it anyway. I want to donate my hair and want to make sure it’s really healthy. I had gown out my hair during covid and it apparently was all broken and had a lot of split ends. At one point I asked my husband if he would help me to cut my hair. Just to make it straight as I had already cut about an inch myself. He then cut about four inches from me as he said my hair was filled with split ends and looked horrible. So now I’m going to be spending a bit of my hard earned dollars in order to ensure the hair is nice and healthy for a wig. After the beauty department I head over to the checkout line and see that it is a long line. So I decided to go into the men’s department to see if there were any raincoats available also so I could pass the time without having to wait on that line for so long. The line dwindles down and then I get on it. After my purchases I am very eager to put on my new pair of pineapple earrings. In the car, I put one on and it doesn’t feel right on my ear. I take it off and the piece that goes through the hole breaks off of the earing. I am so disappointed, I don’t remember them having another pair on the shelf. Oh well tough break. I get out my receipt and head back into the store. I get back to the jewelry section and yay they have another pair or pineapple earrings. I pick it right up and head to the cashier line and that line is back to being really long again. To waste a little bit of time I look through the women’s section again and pick up a green shirt with gold specs that I was debating adding to my cart before. I threw caution to the wind and picked it up then get on the checkout line to exchange the earrings and pay for the shirt. The line was still long but I couldn’t shop anymore. I can’t spend any more money today. I make my purchases and once I get to the car I try on the earrings again and this time they fit perfectly and nothing breaks.
After tj maxx I had over to the pharmacy to pick up my much needed medicine. It is on the way, after all, to the grocery store and I make a quick stop over there. Once I have my medicine I head over to the shopping center next door and go to the grocery store. There I purchase my husband enough soups for the week as well as some deli items. I also get ice cream to go with the pies I bought yesterday along with some yogurts. I then head on home to put everything away. In my newly clean car with the windows rolled down I pass by the farms by our house and see just how beautiful they are. I’m sure they are a lot of work to tend, but it’s incredible to see how the farmers plant sunflowers and one month or so later, there they are, beautiful flowers from a pile of seeds. After mesmerizing on the fields, I get home and put everything away in it’s rightful spot in the pantry and fridge. I’m finally done for the day and I go ahead and take my well needed shower. I take my time as I have a lot of gunk and little weeds to remove from me and my hair. I wash my hair with shampoo a few times to get everything out and condition the hell out of it. After my shower I use towel dry my hair and use my new Egyptian serum that I got today, on my hair. It is light and it feels really smooth. I then lather up my skin in oils, lotions and potions. I rub oil for my belly. Some lotion to slow down the hair growth on my legs. Eye cream and a face lotion. And then a particular thick lotion for my feet. I have to put on sock after I rub this lotion otherwise I am going to do the slip and slide on my hardwood floors. All the while I am listening to the book The Seven Husband of Evelyn Hugo by Taylor Jenkins Reid. The story is a bit of a sad one. The main character finds the love of her life but cannot be with her. In turn out she marries a bunch of other men, seven to be exact, in order to forget about her lover. The story takes place in the 1940’s where being queer is a crime. The story gets deeper and deeper about the love affairs and what the actreses do in order to be together. It gets deep but I don’t want to give anything away. Would I recommend it? Not really. As mentioned it was a bit sad. I thought that it was going to be an exciting book about a glamorous movie star and that it would put me in a good mood. But in the end it was a bit sad, the whole thing. And the book is really long too. About ten hours of an audiobook. Today I listened to about seven of those hours. Between cleaning out the backyard and shopping. I listened to the entire thing today.
Shortly after my shower, the family comes back from playing pokemonGo. For some reason my daughter’s feet are all filled with dirt and she askes me, rather tells me that she needs her feet to be washed. So I put on the kitchen counter and placed her feet in the kitchen sink. As I’m getting the water ready she simply says to me ‘I don’t like you.’ I tell her that that’s not very nice. And I ask her why she doesn’t like me. She doesn’t respond and says I don’t know and I don’t know why I said that. I keep on washing her feet and then I leave her there and go to the closet to grab a towel and there’s my grandma, cleaning her feet with paper towels. She turns to me and says that the towel I brought isn’t going to dry anything. And then she picks her up and moves her down from the counter. I got a double whammy. I am I not only unliked by my own child but I don’t know what I’m doing either. As if using a towel to wipe her feet is a terrible idea and using paper towel is the smart way to do things. After that I sit down on the couch but after a while I can’t sit there anymore as I am staring to tear up. My own daughter telling me that she doesn’t like me put me over the edge and I walk over to my bedroom. I can’t help myself but start to cry. This isn’t the first time my daughter has said something like that to me. And it pains me each and every single time those types of words come out from the mouth of a seven year old. I don’t know what I’ve done or not done to make her feel this way about me. I can’t help but to cry. And then I am convulsing and I can’t show my face like that so take some medicine to help me calm down. So I cry in silence and am trying to stay away from them as much as possible until the medicine kicks in. Then I have to use the bathroom and notice there aren’t any tissues left. The medicine has started to kick in and I don’t feel so lonely so ashamed. It is dark so no one can see my glassy and red eyes so I head down to the basement to get the tissues. In doing that I have to pass the living room where they are all sitting and are all on their perspective electronic devices. My husband asks what I’m doing and I say getting tissues. My voice must have still been cracking at that point because when I came back up from the basement he followed me into the bathroom and asked me very loudly if I was mad at anyone in the house. I told him that I didn’t want to talk about it. And then the tears start rolling down again. He leaves and I pinch myself so I would stop with the crying. But it was no use, they just kept on rolling down my face. I close myself in the bedroom again and start looking through pinterest and looking at shoes. Doing this always distracts me from being in a sad place. When I am able to pull myself together again I finally go back into the living room and act as if everything is ok. They are watching a show on tv and I’m just sitting there staring into nothing. Shortly after it is about nine thirty or so and I told everybody that I was going to bed. I kiss everyone goodnight. I am so saddened with my daughter but I give her a kiss on the forehead anyway and she wipes my kiss away. She doesn’t like it when I kiss her. She says its always wet and she doesn’t like it. Just yet another blow to my stomach tonight. I then go to the bedroom get changed and look through my social media so I can forget about my misery. Shortly after my bedroom door is open and my daughter is at the door. Both my husband and grandma are now yelling at her to come in and apologize to me. I keep on looking down at my phone. She apologizes but I don’t even think she know what she is apologizing for. Grandma is then the one who is telling her to get onto the bed and give me a hug. But she is not feeling it. And neither am I. I am too hurt for this apology. But she gets onto the bed anyway and gives me a very uncomfortable hug. Then they all leave me be. Shortly after my husband comes back into the bedroom and tells me that she has done that to him as well. And, well shit, I don’t believe him. She will actually go up to him and give him hugs and tells him that she loves him. She does the same to her grandmother and even the dog. But won’t do the same to her mother. My heart is in a million pieces and I don’t know if I can put it back together today. Looking back at my day, I was having a good one. I got my work done and then got to the store and found my favorite thing, the pineapple earrings. Then the grocery store, which I really don’t like to do, but since I had found my treasure I was happy to do the work. I finished listening to my book and was very happy about that as well. And then a few little words from a tiny person just completely ruined my entire day if not my week. As I’m writing this I am crying all over again as if it just happened. Thinking back, this hasn’t been the first time she’s said something like that to me. She at one point even told me that she didn’t love me. Now that, was a terrible day. It was a summer day and we were just about getting ready to go to a party and I had to pretend that I had terrible allergies and that is why my eyes kept on being so red and tearing up. My eyes were so red and swollen, but I couldn’t help myself and cry all day long at the party and pretend that everything was ok. I even mingled and laughed along with peoples jokes as my eyes were still tearing up. It was one of the worst days of my life. But I got over it because she is such a little girl and probably doesn’t know what she means by love. She told me that since I don’t give her any gifts like grandma and daddy do that she doesn’t love me because of that. I was so stunned with that statement, that I didn’t even know what to say. Within the next few days I had to explain to her that love is not about giving gifts to each other. I told her that it’s a nice thing. But explained that love is a feeling you have towards someone. And so on and so on. But I don’t think she was really listening. She was only five years old after all and how can one talk reason to a five year old. But something may have stayed there because she never said it again. But now with the I don’t like you business, I don’t like it. This hasn’t been the first time either. But I just brushed it off. I’m sure it won’t be the last time she’ll tell me this. I’m sure in her teenage years she will be doing just that. What I’m really sad about is that she is too young to be saying or feeling things like this. At this age a child should be free to love everyone. I remember I loved everyone at that age. All I wanted also was to be loved and play with everyone. So, I went to bed with a bunch of xanax in my system and a sleeping pill and put on an audiobook so I wouldn’t think about today’s misery any longer. I eventually fell asleep while listening to the book and looking through my social media. What a day!
Until next time.
Stay safe.
Best,
Isabel
Isabel's world 